You made me cry and you don't even care
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
