I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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