I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Randomize
