My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
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