your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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