I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize
