I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
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