I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
