i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize
