You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
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