I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
