I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
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