Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Randomize
