you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize