dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Randomize
