My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
my poor anus
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Randomize
