They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
