I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
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