I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
Is it because I queefed?
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Randomize
