I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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