You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
Randomize
