hotel room ftw
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
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