I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
