i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Randomize
