At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
