When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Randomize
