Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
