Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
Randomize
