yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
