your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
