So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
