You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
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