My nipple is on Facebook.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize
