At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
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