im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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