The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
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