how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
