I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Randomize
