Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
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