Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Randomize
