I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
i would punch a child for taco bell
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
