Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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