we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
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