I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
