If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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