i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
Randomize
