i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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