i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
Randomize
