i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
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