god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
