ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
My dad just said "fuck circus"
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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