I puked a lego.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
