i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Randomize
