So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
