I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Randomize
