I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
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