this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Blow job season was short but glorious.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
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