either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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