I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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