We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
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