people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
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