I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
