if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Randomize
