I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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