i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Randomize
