how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
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