I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Randomize
