Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
do nipples grow back?
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
